4 May 08 - Suddenly it's clearer now..

I cannot tell you how happy I am! I have passed the Rite of Acceptance (ROA)!!

During the rehearsal, or in fact all these while, I really didn't regard this rite as any pressure..till this morning. (fyi, last night I had a sudden real bad bad flu, at around 3am..So bad that I really cannot sleep and my ears started hurting badly too.. I began to wonder if I can attend Sunday Mass for my ROA) When I woke up this morning at 7am, I was so refreshed despite the sleepless night. My heart-beat began to gear-up as I prepared for Mass. I almost had a panic attack when I reached church. The excitment was so great within me, though my mind was logically treating it as 'normal process'. I just had to calm myself down in the Adoration Room, let the Holy Spirit take hold of this 'ridiculous' excitment, before any possibility of trigger any depression attack..

I was so so so blessed when I was going through the ROA. It's totally unexplainable! Imagine the whole church accepts the 42 of us as Catechumens, and the joy of commitment is so great when my sponsor blessed me and gave me the cross. I tell you, I'm just so high (for no logical reason) even though I cant jump with joy during the procession (giving respect to the Order of Mass). I'm so sure I will jump so high if I can! Totally freaking me out - feel so happy yet I cant find logical reason for it...

The best part is yet to come.. after Breaking Open of the Word (BOW), my fellow catechumens were supposed to wait for me to a lunch celebration. When I finished 'hugging' around, they had already gone on their way.. What kinda friends huh...I ended up returning to RCIA room, and was invited to join the core team for lunch. (fyi, the RCIA core team usually have fellowship together) Well, I might as well accept the invitation since I'm 'abandoned' anyway..

I cannot put in words how BLESSED I am at lunch! I'm so thankful for being in Wednesday RCIA process, so thankful for knowing Paul, so grateful for having Vincent and Phyllis as my Godparents, so blessed to have such commited team in RCIA..Listening to their concerns and visions for RCIA, it brought me back to the time when I first joined CHC.. We were small team of young adults, desiring to stand in the gap for the lost and making a difference for Christ.. yes - that's how CHC started.. I used to wonder why I couldn't grow with the church, esp I was one of the 'pioneer' batch.. Now then I realised God has His plans..

I cant help smiling and thanking God in my heart, while listening to RCIA meeting...I'm just so thankful to God for placing me in CHC, exposing me to 13years of strong biblical teaching and leadership in CHC. I am just so thankful! I've wasted so much time in wondering on my growth and decommitment to God, yet God has never given up on me. What patience and love He has!

I see the holy fire in everyone at the lunch - ordinary people trying to make a difference, bringing God to people, helping people to understand who God is, what the Bible really means.. I thank God for practically pulling me out and putting me in this journey with these people.. Their discipline and faith in God are so strong and firm - it just 'aligned' with my vision/desire (I'm not using myself as comparison reference, but I do not know what else to explain that flow.. so FLOWING!) It is also then that I realised my Godparents are chosen for me, not that I've chosen them..They are really firm when it concerns matters of God - no "wishy-washy". Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and 'No' be 'No'. They are so fun-loving, yet they are so disciplined and committed in spiritual issues. I simply LOVE them from bottom of my heart! Everything and everyone just flows so well, that I simply cannot explain!!

Back in Amplify, things are even more surprising flowing! I really love being part of the youth community-bringing Presence of God to youth so they can return to their parish to make a difference! We desire to build a community with worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry and evangelism. You cannot believe the 'connection' I feel in every prayer meeting, with everyone in the ministry. I just thank God for all of them - such bonding, commitment and love! Nothing else matters on Fridays; everyone is so eager to gather in CSC for meetings.

To put in plainly, I cannot comprehend what's happening at all, yet I just want to shout 'THANK YOU,GOD!!' It's like being in EXPRESS lane to experience God..really. EVERYTHING flows so smoothly that it's so cranky and freaking.. I can see my calling so clearly..RCIA is 'expecting' me to join their ministry (don't worry, daddy, I will :D ) and I'm also drawn to the youth.. I can practically see myself yet I do not know how I could manage that!!.. I'll keep praying for clearer directions, man.... I really need to know how am I going to do that??!?! The last thing I want is to have everything in an impulse (esp if I've just 'recovered' from depression) and drain myself out.. it'll kill the joy of the Spirit in me.. I want to be planted in good ground and grow to bring harvest! Be wise!