I still cant believe I actually stay in this RCIA journey, going through my 1st Rite tomorrow. When I joined, I just wanted to 'get answer' and get out.. but so many 'strange' things happened.. and I'm still with the journey and happily in it too. Even found a great ministry to serve now and after my baptism. Things just happening so smoothly as if I'm on 'express lane' to know God. You might think I'm religious or another spiritual freak.. It's ok, I understand your doubt and scepticism. And I know no matter what and how I try to explain/describe my experience, you just wont believe me. I know.. I was like that..If you want to 'verify' my testimony, I only can advise u - keep praying to God. He is the Only One who can explain to you. And if He does, please explain to me too..
...Just now, I saw my anti-depression medication under my pillow.. It then dawned on me that I've not been taking it!! If you know someone from medical field, ask them about anti-depression drugs. These are the drugs, once you taken you cannot take them off immediately. Especially I've stepped up my dosage, I'd need to stablise my dosage, before I can step down and gradually off the drug. Trust me - I'm not saying this to sound more dramatic, but it's a fact. Anti-depression is really not those 'take when u need it' kinda drug. Remember I tried reducing dosage once on my own accord, I became so nervous in office for no reason, I even had to miss 1 RCIA session cos I just had to hide in my room that day....simply cant face anyone...
It's amazing how I can TOTALLY forgotten about my anti-depression for so many days now.. and not even have the 'trigger' of breaking down.. .. .. What can I say?.. Remember that night when I was so blessed in Amplify intercessionary sharing? That night I 'just know' I'm free from depression because of the Joy in my heart, remember? OK. I really do not want to be religious but it's really too much of an coincident or strong will..(trust me, I'm not as strong as I seem.) I can only thank God for healing me - GOD IS LIVING GOD! He's not far away in Heaven, watching us through some 'mirror'.. He's not in the picture at home, so near yet so far from the physical.. He is God Almighty, even closer than our every breathing! He is not a 'abstract' idealogy, but a REAL LIVING GOD! ... Sounds as if I'm preaching, but it's really true! I think you will freak out like me when He reveals Himself to you...Ask with your heart and you will find Him, so close to you, then you'll know it's freaking..
... I really don't deserve Him, but that's how much He loves every one of us.. how awesome..
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