17 May 08 - Where??

I enjoy watching movie which triggers reflections and thoughts..Or rather, I'm those 'thinker' type, maybe that's why I tend to think too much and too in details. I do wonder what are your views on me -having to write every things about myself, my thoughts on all-accessible web, am I not seeking for attention? Well, i really looking for a space to speak forth my views and thoughts, though freaking or spiritual I may be, but at least this is the space I can 'open' myself like a book..Life is actually very simple, why make it so complicated with such distrust and sceptism in this world? And if you are reading this and knowing me personally, you really must be honoured as I dare to share this link with you (fyi, I only share this link with those few close friends, ok?)Afterall I do not want to scare all my friends away...

Ok, back to the movie..I just watched 'Maid-Of-Honour'..It's really a funny show, simliar to 'My Best Friend's Wedding'. But what really gets me is not its humour or the dashing guys.. I would really enjoy if I have such 'buddy' who could understand and share my views.. I know I have 2 buddies in this lifetime - Zhongwei and Ziwei. I really appreciate them, being my support all these years; no matter how we seem to have 'lost contact', we'll always be sharing each other's lives. Really, I like to have a 'close friend' who can lead his own life and yet we share each other's lives. Of course, that's a very selfish thing to do - cos ultimately, he'll have his life-partner and he cant possibly spend so much time with 2 females at the same time. And trust me, I am not into the idea of falling for my buddy or having him fall for me. Once become my buddy, I'd rather we stay at buddy-level forever.. Maybe i do not trust those 'friends-into-couple' relationship, or maybe I really treasure buddies too much that I cant bear the thought of 'losing' them one day..

So, it's kinda my 'rule' that close friends stay as close friends, buddies stay as buddies..once we established that relationship. However, I just don't understand why my buddies and close friends are the best candidates for boyfriends, yet I always end up in heartbreaks.. (if you are looking for mature, reliable, fun-loving and sensitive boyfriend, I can recommend some for your consideration)

Now the question comes.. where is mine? Then again, I'm also tired of this relationship game, though i really hope to start my own family..Tired of considering a person for serious relationship, tired of 'trying' the relationship.. and even taking the risk of hurting again. Yes, you may say I love myself more than I love this partner.. But, though I still believe in Love, but this cycle is really tiring.. I really do not have the strength to pick myself up again..

Life is simple, why make it so complicated? The more I think, the simplier life is to me.. It IS really as simple as that.. or maybe I'm just that naive.