help me, i dreamt of B again..i have been in this dream before..with him..same 'plot'..but this time it's on different topic..It's a trip with his church friends, i still can remember all their faces in my dream..so vivid..I feel so 'outcast' while he has no problem interacting with them, even the 'newcomer'..I understamd his 'passion' to integrate and help newcomers to feel at home, but..does he realise I'm feeling uneasy?...I finally managed to talk to B, a real short one..about his church ministry and even invited him to visit Amplify one day (being awake now - i know it's crazy, but in the dream, i really hope he'll join me with my friends to praise and worship, and to share)
it's a long trip as there was last minute change on location..I ended up taking bus with his friends alone, as he took the other bus with another group of his friends..It's sad, but i know i'll see him in our destination.. I tried to interact with those on the same bus..Nothing much to really start a chat..I fell asleep on the bus.. the moment i woke up, no one is on the bus.. somehow I knew they're at the dinner place..I was hurt again..why didn't he call to wake me up..doesn't he know i'm not with the group..do i not matter to him? (I am really hurt, even now when i'm 'awake').. I want to spend time with him and his friends, but he seem to have a better time with them, without me.. it hurts...
The next moment i know, i'm crying from my dream, on my bed, waking up from the dream...the first feeling is hurtful..and then i have to blog it down.. my space to voice out, to cry out.. I miss B. I really do.. and I still love B. It's insane, stupid and silly I know. But I cant help it. I love B. As simple as that. I cannot deny this love still growing inside me.. though i know it's not helping in my recovery at all.. yet I do not understand why i cant let it go...why i cant sqeeze everything about him into a chest in my heart and lock it away (I did it with the previous and it works..once locked away, it's put in my heart and i get on with my life)..
can someone help me? i cannot 'kill' this love in me, and i do not want to dream of B again in those dreams i've been having....familiar place...they're not of anywhere I've been with B in real life, they are jus the same dream-backdrop and same settings.. it hurts, even though it's a 'happy' plot.. it just hurts...
Joseph was given the gift of interpreting dream...can anyone help me on my dreams?? ... i really dont want to wake up in tears, crying in my dream with real tears flowing on my face..the feeling is so real that it really hurts, in dream and even so when awake..help me, please..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment