27 Jun 08 - Ecumenism Without Compromise

People! I'm so so happy!! God is really indeed raising a NEW generation for Himself!

I have this colleague who happens to be my CHC fellow-churchmate, if I'm still in CHC. When I knew we are from same church, I was so happy! I tried to pray with him and discuss spiritual doctrine with him.. I learnt he is not open to Catholicism, typical 'Protestant'.. Though I'm not experienced Catholic, I tried my best to explain catholicism to him. Trust me, it IS hard, especially when it involves doctrines.. such sensitive topic.. But I must also thank him for being challenging, cos it made me to do some research and reading up. (That's why I'm so 'intimidating' to some people, my godbrother :p ) .. of course, I stayed firm in my simple belief that we are all different members in same Body..I mean, that is what we always declare in our creed, right? We believe in Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic church...("catholic" = including or concerning all humankind; universal) There's only ONE God, right?!?!? But whenever I'm stuck in conversation like these, prayer is always the best 'peace-maker'.

Today, when i came into office, this guy suddenly gave me this link. He actually took the effort to do his research and now he just wanted to share with me!! And this link is from a CATHOLIC preacher! ahaha.. What a contridiction, I must say!

I'm so so blessed by his sharing!! He is now receptive to my 'argument' of different members in same Body, though of course, it'll take some more time for him to digest. But hey, at least he is open! I cant wait to share his findings with you!! :)

Raise up, o ye new generation for God, mighty army of God!

Ecumenism Without Compromise — Denominationalism is not just a Christian scandal, but absolutely intolerable
http://www.peterkreeft.com/audio.htm

26 Jun 08 - I really wonder..

i really wonders what is God planning.. He allowed me to have my life-pit so I learnt to cling unto Him as my ONLY Hope(can you imagine those times when I really read the Word, prayed with such self-discipline n weeped in Adoration room for hours, though I was against the Eucharist concept),allows me to experience Him in such tangible way, gave me Ruth 1:16 to do the most unexpected in the most difficult time, blessed me with a family in RCIA,brought me out of depression in such amazing time, showed me to Amplify when I seek a charismatic group, gave me a supportive group when I wanted to study the Word (finally get serious with Word of God)...What on earth is He doing?

Everything is so well-paved for me til I was so freaking out.. now I've learnt to be cool about it (hey, Rom 8:31 says If God is for us, who can ever be against us?) But it really takes me a while to get used..till now I still can be quite skeptical..

Today I had meeting with BAT..first time meeting with them. And it turns out I actually know all these people!! They are mostly from SCC200 n one of them is my neighbour! Remember the one whose house I joined for carolling? That's him.. It's either the church community is that small OR it's all God's plan. Skeptical you, I knw what u'll say..I dun want to argue - why don't you just take it that my life is full of 'coincidents' ok? Just like the crazy experiences of crying uncontrollably with the song in TP canteen, crying uncontrollably in a cab on my way to B's place.. both feeling the 'love' of God is so overwhelming, when I was not even thinking of God before I cried.. Strange life of J. I agree-strange.

If we seek Him, He will reveal Himself to us. How true it is! Well, my friends, let us take up a challenge.. join me in prayers for a clearer vision on my calling. I had it long ago, have it again .. but just dunno how is He going to do that through me.. So, pray for me ya? There's power in prayers, remember? If my vision gets clearer, I'll treat you who prays a meal, ok? That's the reward for this praying challenge. ahahaa..



Matt 16:19
"And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."


OH, by the way, my sister finally has a boyfriend again, after nearly a decade of singlehood.. BUT.. though her boyfriend is Christian (cradle catholic), he does not really 'believe' in the faith.. so please pray for him too. I need as much help as I can get to evangelise to my family members. Thanks!

23 June 08 - Thank You for lifting me up

All of you do not know this, perhaps except my godbrother - I have been feeling down in my spirit for past week. It's a paradox cos I received so many hugs and comments that they feel happy when they are with me, they feel joyful seeing me etc.... (Honestly, these really surprised me cos I really feel dry inside). I know it's common to be 'back-to-reality' after the hype in YISS, I am really feeling fear+doubt in me..it's really so amazing when people share their spiritual dryness with me last week, I share their situation, tried to encourage them to the best of my Bible knowledge and seeing them back on Fire, serving their ministry...yet I just feel so dry.. Am I the problem?

How they are blessed through me is not my deed - I know it's not. I simply do not have much joy myself to share.. It has to be His doing.. But if God is using me to fill others, how come I don't feel filled-up? I did pray but.. my prayers are so heavy..

This self-doubt worsened when my family discouraged me from my Baptism, which I've been long-awaiting for 15yrs.. Even though I finally gotten their 'consensus' at the beginning of this year, they kinda went back on their words now. I understand their concerns, tried to assure them but they simply do not understand the Spirituality matters and my joy in Baptism. .. It really got me down down down.. To a point, I even feel like giving up - why cant I just be a sunday church-goer, not that i'm denying God.. but I simply too tired to explain to them..Why make my parents upset esp at their age? Am I not supposed to be a living testimony for God..then why upset them? ...I'm so tired in this 'battle' which seem to be going in cycle and back to square-one..I know I wont be happy being a sunday church-goer, but I simply too tired to 'fight' this issue..

It was only at yesterday's Mass that I really threw in the towel at Jesus. I really do not want to harbour this struggle inside anymore - I have enough of it for 15yrs. If He wants it to happen, He let it happen. Then, the Message came so strongly to me - Strong and Resilient (12th Sunday in Ordinary Time)... Jesus' vindication of the indestructibility of human spirit. Whatever endangers us in our work of witness to God and His love for all mankind is of little acount, we have the grace within us to withstand all storms and survives to eternal life.
"Just remember in winter; far beneath the snow;
Lies the seed that, with sun's love, in the spring becomes a rose"

I am thankful for these encouragement. I know nothing happens by coincident, but all in God's appointed time. I'm reminded of the life of Jeremiah..how God provided for him in his tough life.. As long as we dare to take up our cross to follow Jesus, He will never leave us alone to carry it ourselves.

That revelation (if you may call it) certainly fueled me up.. but i'm still skeptical if this is my rhema word.

***********
This morning, while sharing with my godbrother on this, I chanced upon a sermon CD in my office laptop..I must have saved it inside when I returned to this position at work, cos I really dont' remember what's the message title, or where did I get it.. It cant be from CHC cos I have not been attending CHC service; let alone getting the sermon CD.. Even when I was in CHC, I'm not into buying the sermon CD afterall I have my strong cellgroup and strong service every week..

In first place, I just wanted to listen to some happy praise n worship songs esp on Monday morning.. But this 'tag of the heart' comes again.. I have no idea what's the 'unknown album' is about cos I really dont rememeber.. without proper naming. But once I put on my earphones, I cannot pull it out.. The teaching is just what I need to hear.. to 'slap' myself up..

Life of Prayer
James 5:16
"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much"
I know this verse at the back of my hand, has always kept in mind of its teaching.. yet I still slipped into the devil's trap..

While I'm having self-doubt on my spiritual life,I'm also wondering if I'm righteous enough to be considered as righteous in order to claim this promise.. I was focusing on my fear, trying hard to justify my righteousness that I missed the point that WE ARE RIGHTEOUS. Righteousness is a GIFT from God. We cannot do more things to become more righteous or less things to be less righteous. It is a GIFT from God! And what God has given to us, He will not take it back, not even when we are 'disobedient' to Him. He simply loves us, He is our Abba Father! I've tried so hard reasoning n justifying myself and my faith that I got so lost touched of God, and deeper in my fear..

I tell you, this sermon really open my eyes (or shall I say ears)! Slapped me right on my face.. for past week i've put myself through such dryness, all cos of my prayerless week. I know the Truth in my mind, yet not received into my Spirit - Importance of Prayer and the Power in Prayer..How silly I have been!

"I want to know the One
Who holds my hand in this race that I run.
My Helper and Friend,
Holy Spirit I love You til the end.

I want more of You, O God
More of you in my life, Holy Spirit
Living waters flowing from within
As I yearn myself to You
Move in my life like never before

More of You, Holy Spirit
More of You.."

17 Jun 08 - 19th Youth In Spirit Seminar

You know, I almost gave up blogging cos it's so addictive..But after my YI, everyone, esp my 2 young brothers in RCIA, just want to know what happened to me? I mean, I am so joyful! (No denial - I AM happy happy happy :D !!) My colleagues wonder if I'm ok (esp it's Back-to-work Monday with 2 presentation meetings)..

I tell you why I'm so HAPPY!.. I LOVE BEING IN THE HOUSE OF GOD, MOVING WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT!! If God is for me, who can be against be me! Remember the hunger I saw in Amplify? God delights in that hunger and honours it.. The outpour of Holy Spirit is so strong! It's been some time since I soaked myself in such tangible Spirit, simply enjoying every moment of drinking His living waters! FOr those of you who do not understand what I mean by soaking in Spirit and drinking Living waters.. Sorry, I cannot put the greatness of such experience into any words..Language has become so limited, if you use it to explain the wonderous works of God.

I suppose u'd have known how CHC started out.. just a small group of students and few young adults hungry for God..I mean, we were so small and 'cult' that my parents strongly oppose me from going to service (which was, of course, more of a illegal gathering then), even called government authority and brought me for a 'counselling' session with buddhist monk. Yes, we were just bunch of 'small fries', hunger and praying for God's great work in this generation...

To cut the story short, yes, that was what I saw in my YISS camp. Whether they came because of a friend or just an event to have fun, God loves, delights and He simply POURS His love over every one of us..So much and so tangible that we can practically swim in this sea of love! Don't believe? Well, once u tried this, you'll understand I'm NOT exaggerating..The OUTPOUR of Holy Spirit!! Even u have not received the gifts of the Spirit, you'll surely feel the strong tangible presence of God! Simply rest in His hug, His love, His presence..

I have to confess: I never thought I could experience His presence in such tangible way, since i've crossed over. I mean, Holy Spirit movement and His gifts are more of a 'protestant' faith, right? But how wrong I am! God is the same yesterday and today! He is the same God in the hearts of all followers of Christ - CHRISTians! He is the same God who parted the Red Sea, provided manna for His people in the wilderness, heals the sick and binds the brokenheart throughout the ages! From age to age, He stands, remember?

Seeing how Holy Spirit is working in our generation, raising up a new generation for God is totally awesome! The high Call to the Great Commission! (To be honest, nothing thrills me more than to see God's people rising up to take their places into God's Kingdom. It's simply AWESOME JOY!) God is no longer a concept or theological idea, but He is a LIVING GOD! That is why I'm so so so HAPPY! The joy flows from within!


Acts 9:31
Then the churches throughout all Judea, Galilee, and Samaria had peace and were edified. And walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit, they were multiplied.


"More of You, Holy Spirit"

10 Jun 08 - I love my girls = Jen,Cher n Yaya!!

It's been a while since my lsat entry..allow me to be emotional, affectionate.. whatever..before the sad reality sets into me..

I just watched 'Sex In the City' movie (how can i miss its big screen when I actually spent most of my days in Taiwan, sitting on the couch and watching every episode of the season, feeling so lost when I returned to Singapore who banned it!)..Anyway, the point is that I followed Carrie's reflection and search for love since the starting..and finally seeing Mr Big and her happily married after all their 10yrs journey of loving n hurting..

What can i say? I just love this movie! I cried..how I really cried throughout the 145mins..and I really cried from my heart..The search and doubt for love till having the love of the lifetime..only to be so bady and deeply hurt by this same love..how strong and important is girlfriends support..and finally realising the meaning of 'true love'...

OK, i will not dwell on the part of searching, found and hurt..I'm very sure and certain you'll agree that I can identify myself to that.. afterall I also spent weeks sleeping, refusing to wake up, too tired to eat, no reason to even smile (just like Carrie when Big could not overcome his fear, insecurity of his love for Carrie and walked out on her on their wedding day!) (OK,I know B didn't walked out on me on our wedding day, I guess the reason He didn't allow that is cos He knows that'll be way beyond my limit (He never allows us to carry more than what we can bear))

What I really want to share tonight is how much I love my girls - Jennifer, Cheryl and Wenya! It's really God's blessing how bonded our friendship could develope in just 3 short yrs (in fact, 2yrs cos we were not really sharing as good friends in our 1st yr) We can chat about everything (yes-even hot sexual stuff) and anything at all (even work woes). And the best part is we are all of different characters, attitudes and perspectives! Jen is ever so homely, Cher is ever so outspoken, and Yaya is ever so supportive in her sweet own ways. Yet whenever someone is down, we're always just a call away despite late hours..

I remember how they stood by me when lawrence ditched me for a new girl..How they follow-up with me on my every meals, and Jen..she even personally delivered a sunflower EVERYDAY without fail.. till I was able to get out of my room..And when I got so hurt this time, they respect my time to be alone, and made their time and effort to be with me in the first moment when I finally opened up to them.. How honest (and blunt) their comments are, yet full of love and concern..Though of different faith, our faith, love and trust for one another is really a wonder! It really took a lot of effort to 'accommodate' each other's unreasonable and hair-pulling attitudes and perspective, and we survived that without disregarding advice and even nagging!

We were together through joy and grief..be it Jen's disagreement with her hubby, Cheryl's fear when her dad had to undergo operation, or Yaya's medical fret, and my emotional pits. Of course, we share our joy too - marriage, engagement, graduation and sharing of 'shopping achievements + tips'..especially Cher travels for work frequently for event planning. We may not be as rich as the girls in the story to expend luxury pampering and high-class meals, but we are so in love for each other. Their bfs always get included in our chill-out nights tat they can be our 'sisters'

Though we hardly have time to meet up these days, but we know and we will be there for one another. No need to 'update' regularly, yet we will know what's happening with one another... I love you girls!!

03 Jun 08 - Dinner with someone I used to fear

You wont believe whom I had dinner with just now...
I feared her for 4yrs...Maybe she kinda 'know me well' due to similiar character;Maybe I respect her for bringing up my love one singlehandedly(it's really not easy in this society);Maybe she was one of the 'test' in the relationship (my close friends will be able to tell you how tough was the test)..I had always tried my best to avoid conversation with her, let alone being alone with her (B will be able to tell you how I tried to deflect myself from her)..

I just had dinner with B's mother. Yes-B's mother.Pls don't be surprised cos I kinda 'good' in handling bfs' mothers.I was able to start conversation,to be comfortable with them..not because I want to 'score points' but I just find it kinda easier to understand them than their sons, except B's mother.Well,I must say my 'charm' worked initially but when the test started,the tension grew so bad that I really did not want to be around her as it's kinda uncomfortable for me.But I know I had to be around because of B...can you imagine that kind of tension and repugnance?

I was still contemplating in my office till the last minute-enough time for me to get a cab without being late. Even before I left,I asked my friend to pray for me.He asked me why do i still go since i'm afraid..Honestly,I really don't know..But I just feel I should, and it's time to do so..(I have been doing a lot of weird 'I-dont-understand' things nowadays,right?)Things are just so strange..Though our relationship was not that good, but when B made his sudden decision,she was the one who prayed for me and taught me the Rosary Prayer.When I really had no friend during my cross-over,she was there for me.Strange,right?

Anyway,we met for dinner in a vegetarian cafe.(The ambience is nice but somehow not good enough to consider that for Christmas party.See I still care for this project,ok?)I must say,I was rather nervous and worried on what shall I say to her..her work?her 'daughter' Mikii(some breed as my 'son' Hugo)??or B??? In the end,I decided to talk more about myself,my life now..Not to 'show off', but really, why not you tell me what to say in such meeting?Though I'm eager to know how's B,but what the point of knowing?And I cant ask her out,just for a silent dinner,right?All I hope is I didn't appear as 'showing off' despite my stammering words and shivering body. (I blamed it on the aircon for this shiver)

What she's telling me I've heard and known, yet I cannot explain why I still care and love B..I don't know what's going to happen,or which way to go but I know when God moves,I'll follow Him.Just keeping B in my prayers..What will be will be (just like my current job-though i've thrown it out,it came back to me like a frisbee).We even talked about B n his decision for this situation..It aches my heart to recall his words, but i didn't cry..God has blessed and shown me so much to where I am now..I should have learnt to trust in God..

Dont worry..it ended well.So peaceful that we chatted while walking our way to the main-road..I even gave her a lift cab back to North area(I was also too tired to stay out late, esp after work.)And we continued chatting in the cab..which I'd expect us to run out of topics by then... What a night.

2 Jun 08 - Reminiscing my walk..

To be honest, I've not been 'in contact' with City Harvest for a long time, since RCIA started...Especially now that I've found Amplify, I feel so at home and happy to be involved that I really didn't think much about CHC, though I know at the back of my mind that they are moving forward as mighty army of God against all odds..

But past weeks, I really miss CHC so much...Don't know why but I just miss CHC,not my friends but the teachings and the move of Holy Spirit..OK, I know I've crossed over and Catholic doctrine is not as the same as Protestants..but does 'crossing-over' mean we're different? Is the blood cell in your left hand different from the one in your right hand? Honestly, it's not which church you are in, but which part of His Body God want to put you that matters..We are all serving the One God. Are you suggesting the God Catholics serve is different from the God the Protestants serve? As long as the Body is alive, the blood will keep flowing in and around the Body, bringing life. (And our God IS ALIVE)

Of course, by saying this, I do not mean I encourage church-hopping. 'Testing out' church after church for a place you feel comfortable in, is not God's plan for anyone of us! He yearns for us, every one of us, to draw near to Him, to experience Him..how can you really experience Him unless your roots are planted? And I can assure you,there's NO perfect church!! There'll always be someone,something,some sharing or even some leaders who will annoy you! Even the best garden experiences unpleasant storms which are required for flora growth. We are all not perfect, that's why we need one another to put us through character polishing. This process of refining is not easy, and full of pain and even tearing down our 'natural' character. Well, trust me, it's easier being a non-Christian than to be a Christian. The moment one decides to follow Christ, his/her path will planted with more trials than normal.

OK, let's not random again.. I miss CHC..I so wanted to attend service but time is really not in my favour, esp weekends. Then I remembered I can 'grasp a bit of the annointing' through online service n sermons... I really cannot tell you how blessed I am! It's such a simple and short message by Pastor Tan, yet it's like a sharpened sword that went right into the heart (You cannot believe how nervous he was when he first preached and how many discouraging responses he had received.. He is now so gentle yet powerful in his preaching - that's how life can be changed with God...)

If only every Christians understand and follow L.I.F.E, everyone will be in awe of how great God is - His Love, His Patience, His Passion and His purpose for every one of us. I cannot share my revelation here,lest it'll be too preachy. But I really want to share how blessed I am by this rhema..It's sure knocked me down flat (I'm so happy that it did). It fed my Hunger and even 'cure' my 'homesickness', how awesome! Sounds like hard-selling? I just hope to share the powerful message with you, that's all.. (see, I am not perfect, right? Irritating you now by sharing too much of my joy)

Since I'm reminiscing, might as well share this song which keep me going in my Christian life..I was still a baby Christian, just converted-facing strong parental persecution,when I sang this song in my first cell-group meeting..(Well, CHC didn't start off with 'hip and rock' songs, lol) Whenever I really feel like throwing in the towel to God, to give up 'Christianity'(trust me, many times I actually packed my Bibles and related materials and so ready to dump them down the rubbish chute)..This song will 'carry' me through those times, esp "seeking You as a precious jewel,Lord, to give up I'd be a fool..." If we are to choose a song which 'represent' our journey, this song will be mine...