03 Jun 08 - Dinner with someone I used to fear

You wont believe whom I had dinner with just now...
I feared her for 4yrs...Maybe she kinda 'know me well' due to similiar character;Maybe I respect her for bringing up my love one singlehandedly(it's really not easy in this society);Maybe she was one of the 'test' in the relationship (my close friends will be able to tell you how tough was the test)..I had always tried my best to avoid conversation with her, let alone being alone with her (B will be able to tell you how I tried to deflect myself from her)..

I just had dinner with B's mother. Yes-B's mother.Pls don't be surprised cos I kinda 'good' in handling bfs' mothers.I was able to start conversation,to be comfortable with them..not because I want to 'score points' but I just find it kinda easier to understand them than their sons, except B's mother.Well,I must say my 'charm' worked initially but when the test started,the tension grew so bad that I really did not want to be around her as it's kinda uncomfortable for me.But I know I had to be around because of B...can you imagine that kind of tension and repugnance?

I was still contemplating in my office till the last minute-enough time for me to get a cab without being late. Even before I left,I asked my friend to pray for me.He asked me why do i still go since i'm afraid..Honestly,I really don't know..But I just feel I should, and it's time to do so..(I have been doing a lot of weird 'I-dont-understand' things nowadays,right?)Things are just so strange..Though our relationship was not that good, but when B made his sudden decision,she was the one who prayed for me and taught me the Rosary Prayer.When I really had no friend during my cross-over,she was there for me.Strange,right?

Anyway,we met for dinner in a vegetarian cafe.(The ambience is nice but somehow not good enough to consider that for Christmas party.See I still care for this project,ok?)I must say,I was rather nervous and worried on what shall I say to her..her work?her 'daughter' Mikii(some breed as my 'son' Hugo)??or B??? In the end,I decided to talk more about myself,my life now..Not to 'show off', but really, why not you tell me what to say in such meeting?Though I'm eager to know how's B,but what the point of knowing?And I cant ask her out,just for a silent dinner,right?All I hope is I didn't appear as 'showing off' despite my stammering words and shivering body. (I blamed it on the aircon for this shiver)

What she's telling me I've heard and known, yet I cannot explain why I still care and love B..I don't know what's going to happen,or which way to go but I know when God moves,I'll follow Him.Just keeping B in my prayers..What will be will be (just like my current job-though i've thrown it out,it came back to me like a frisbee).We even talked about B n his decision for this situation..It aches my heart to recall his words, but i didn't cry..God has blessed and shown me so much to where I am now..I should have learnt to trust in God..

Dont worry..it ended well.So peaceful that we chatted while walking our way to the main-road..I even gave her a lift cab back to North area(I was also too tired to stay out late, esp after work.)And we continued chatting in the cab..which I'd expect us to run out of topics by then... What a night.