29 May 08 - Officially out of depression

Can I start with some superstition? From 29Dec07 (the day my love suddenly died) to 29May08, it's exactly 5mths. Only 20weeks!! Yet, this is the LONGEST 20weeks of my life! I really used ALL the energy of my life to survive these 20weeks! How devastated I was,how i fear and cried when crossing over,how i looked forward for RCIA,how i struggled to stand up and learn to walk again..till now. I'm so blessed with all the 'flow' and 'smoothness' in my life that i'm so grateful in everything. What a long 5mths! So much happened and so much learnt..And what an coincident!! Today is 29th day too!! Talk about numerology, haha.. ok, joke aside, I'm sure you'd agree it IS the hardest path in my life and I had to walk or even crawl alone..I'm in awe of how God has planned for me..

Ok,back to entry proper..I'm so happy that I'm officially declared out of depression!! I had my consultation today. At first I really did not want to go, i mean..what am i supposed to share? that i'm turning into a religious freak? everything and everyone is about God? For all i know my counsellor might think i'm going to be a nun as my 'escape route'. In the end, i really procrastinated so much that I had to take a cab from my office. Even during the journey, I so wanted to redirect the driver to home. Yet, i kept the advice of a good friend to 'go and see for myself if I'm on right track of recovery'...I really dragged myself there..

God indeed has planned my life - every tiny details! When my counsellor recapped my consultations,I am so surprised she actually took down her notes into such details!! Maybe it's part of her profession, but she is really very focused and meticulous! She really brought back memory of 1st consultation - I was so unstable and was so certain that I will not be able to survive anymore. How I've been improving from 2nd and 3rd consultations..Today is my 4th consultation and she's so happy for me that she can call it the 'last consultation'. Of course, we all know relaspe is a real possibility in every illness. But she is confident that i'm on the right track and right mind.. even though I shared all the 'spiritual talk' with her. I don't know if she's believer in Christ, but i'm so happy to know that I'm not going from emotional instability to mental instability. It's really a comfort to me, esp it's from a professional. I'm so happy (and sad cos i will not be seeing her again) that i bought some children party snacks for my RCIA group as 'celebration'. I know it's childish but I really did that! I'm officially 'cleared' from both medication and counselling, within 20weeks!

Indeed God has shown me so much when I cling unto Him so tightly as my only Source and Energy. Of course, not to forget the Divine intercession of Mother Mary, whom I'm sure has always been praying for me as I come to her in tears. The love of a Mother to a child...Besides the joy of loving my family, friends and colleagues, i've also learnt to be more appreciative in little things. Life IS actually so simple! Everyday is indeed a gift from God, even with the tests and trials that come with it. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, if we do not give up.


"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap" Galatians 6:7

Thank you all for your prayers and concern!! God really loves you so much, so do I (still trying my best for some of you :P)!