4 Jul 08 - If only I had picked more pebbles

on a more serious note, i'd like to open up my inner thoughts and reflections on this space again.. it's been so long since i reflected..so choked up by work and other concerns..

Have u heard of the story of 'picking stones in the dark'? 2 men were travelling through the night when they heard this compelling voice to pick up pebbles from the ground. It was dark and they were tired. In order to obey this voice, they just picked up a pebble each and went on their way. When the day came, they were surprised to see the 'pebbles' they picked were actually precious gems! How they wished they could have picked more then. (I hope u understand this story, i'm just trying to summarize it as much as I remember. This is a story I heard before, but cant remember the exact details now.)

That is the way I'm feeling now.. I thank God for revealing so much of Himself to me in this journey, I thank Him for seeing me through my depression..and I thank God for leading me INTO depression. Because of my depression, I experienced the times when my ears were so sensitive to hear from God directly, I experienced the times when my heart was so sensitive to Holy Spirit..My prayers were so intense with all my mind, heart and soul. 2-way communication with God was so easy, and every word of God cant wait to jump out to feed me... That is what I desire now..If only I could pick more of these pebbles up when I was in depression..

Do people have to be in critical condition in order to experience God? And why those 'supernatural' experiences seems to die off when things are 'back-to-normal'? I'm not saying we should live by sights, but where have all those sensitivity gone to? When we clung onto God as our only Source, only Hope, our prayer life is such an wonderful experience. But when things are 'better' in our own situations, where is this 'hold-on-for-your-life' grip? We know and experience such wonderous joy from such grip, yet why do we loosen it now? Of course, Jesus is always with us, closer than our very breathe, despite our spiritual hypes and downs. But why do I allow my spiritual life to go down? ... I really miss the 'grip' I had onto Jesus..Miss the intimate relationship with the Most High, face to face..the mighty flow of Holy Spirit in my life..

but i don't want to go through another depression..This is NOT the way God has in plan for anyone!! He allows us to experience critical conditions so we will draw closer to Him, but it's NEVER in His plan for us to stay in it 'so we can continue to be in His presence'...Trust me, whoever tells u to stay in such pit in order for God to work in u, is really crapping to u. God led us into the pit to break us, so we can focus on Him. But He'll never want us to stay in this pit to focus on Him. He desires us to be overcomers for His Glory! He will sees us through the pit, but it's up to us again to decide on our focus after our rescue. that's how democratic is our God.. He loves us so much that He let us taste His goodness first-hand, then He let us decide if we want to stay in this goodness..It's like buying sweets from Jesus- He let us taste before we decide to buy or not..


Matt 6:33
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."