i know i'm very affected by my emotions when i had to pray for strength to exercise my patience w my tuition kids. i know they're just being kids,their usual attention-seeking attitudes..but today it's really a challenge to teach them..i guess they know it after attempting to cross my limit,that's y they decided to make less noise in class. i cant wait to be home,into my room to cry n talk it out here - my space.
why am i affected?I suppose u know cos there's only 1 factor now who can do this impact..i'm beginning to ask myself how long will i take to get over this..others who went thru similiar loss took 3-8yrs..i don't have the luxury of time..trust me,even 2yrs is long for a impatient girl like me. In the past i simply cant stand it when pple know what they should do,yet not doing it..but now i'm looking at the same scenario in myself, then i understand why people not doing what they should do..it's nt that we choose to escape,but it's really cos we are mere human.
We made the decision to face the reality,decided to let go and let God,to move on while waiting on the Lord..We know what we have to do and what commitment we have made. But because we're human. We make our daily decisions to take up our cross..when He made it light for us,we experience joy; but precisely when we thought 'hey i can do it',we take over the share He has been carrying and then we experience the heaviness..
Why cant I just learn to take my own share and leave His share to Him? How long must i take to learn to trust Him? He is the God who parted the Red Sea,blesses His people with victories for His Glory,heal the sick and bind the broken-hearted,and even conquered death by His Resurrection. I know,I talk,I share but do I really trust Him to be so? Such greatness which I cannot comprehend or imagine..possible?
J,u of little faith! When Jesus said 'Blessed are those who have not seen yet believe',he knows it'll be hard for people like u n me to trust Him. We humans have become so hardened that only logic,reasons,and signs will fully convince our hearts. It requires us to make daily decision to exercise our faith, to focus on Him and trust Him even in our 'insignificant' activties. He loves and He cares to the most detailed detail about us. Do we really believe so? Or, we choose to believe that He only cares when we are doing our ministering work in church? Do we really believe He is a God of great details? Remember how precise and detailed His instructions were - building the Tablenacle,building Noah's ark? Remember how bored I was by those details measurements - how many feet by how many feet etc..and He practically covered a few chapters just to tell His people how to build. That IS our God!
He knows your hurt n your 'i'm ok, i'll bear with it' attitude. He will not leave u alone. Let Him carry for you and He'll make things possible. Trust Him - He is the same, as He was in the beginning, He is now and ever shall be.
Isa 42:3
'He will not crush those who are weak or quench the smallest hope. He will bring full justice to all who have been wronged. '
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