i excused myself from AMP ministry last night. i just wan to get away from doing what i know i should do.. i went clubbing, dancing.. (dun worry i dun drink when i dance). but somehow like what i shared in my last entry, i didn't enjoy as much as i thought i'd.. in fact, i'd rather dance in AMP than in that place.. One day in God's presence is better than a thousand elsewhere, how true..
i dun understand why i keep feeling drained.. Afterall i have been drinking every week in RCIA,AMP and Mass..even from all the online sermons i've downloaded..I have ensured of being watered..where's the joy.. i really pray for Wisdom to know what He wants me to do, and how to do it..
on my journey to service,i kept asking this qn in mind..then this vision of a cup came to me. (it's good to have a long journey to church - it really helps to prepare your spirit for the things to come; be still)
a cup so deep yet it has several tiny holes...no matter how u pour water in it, the holes, though tiny as they are, have been draining the water out..Very often, we do not bother by tiny hole. I mean, it's so tiny..how much water can it leak.. but when one tiny hole becomes 2 tiny holes and 2 become 3 etc..how draining it can be.. no matter how much water i pour in it, the leakage is flowing out strong.. but..what are these holes in my life? i dun understand..
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I entered the service with heavy heart..though my outward is joyful (i'm always very happy to be in CHC),but i know i've all these questions n dryness inside..i cant lift my heart and shout with joy in praise.. I know I'm in deep trouble when i find it hard to praise Him..till worship came.."I will be still and know You are God"..one of my all-time affectionate songs. I had this feeling that something has been in stored for me...i just have to be still.
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Who dares to say God is not God of details? The Word was SO SPOT-ON about my situation, my drain, my doubts... I cannot share my rhema here but i can assure you - i am in awe of God! He never leaves any detail out. During altar call, i answered with my eyes closed and comtemplated in my heart if i should go up front to be prayed..afterall i know what i should do.. the moment i open my eyes,i actually grabbed the hand of my cell-member next to me. Really GRAB! I saw my hand grabbing and i was as shocked as she was..
the next thing i know i was standing right in front of the pulpit to be prayed for. I mean, hello!! there's so many of us crowding to be prayed for.. and i ended up RIGHT IN FRONT of the pulpit.. I dont know about you,but my hands started to shake again as i stand there. i fell under the power of Holy Spirit, right in front of the stage! When i came around, i'm the only one resting on the ground! ok, talk about embarrassing myself in public, u have to admit i'm quite good in it.. but hey, this is GOOD embarrassment! I'd dun mind being embarrassed like this more often, IT IS GOOD!
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i always say CHC is my home. Cos it is my Prayer Mountain. I can bring all and whatever i have to this place and i'll find my Lord here. this is the place where matured Christians come together in strong faith to bring forth His glory..I used the word 'matured' cos we believe and commit in the power of prayers! Prayers is not a religious practice but part of our lives!! Big things, small things - we pray. reading the Bible is very first commitment of young believer, as we grown mature in the Lord, we have adopted this prayer lifestyle.
You'll be amazed how God can work through prayers. How much we can grow in the Lord, if we commit ourselves in prayers. Glory be to God!
Hebrews 12:1-6
...let us strip off every weight that slows us down...let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus..... And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children."
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