So many things happened today, that I cant wait till tmr to share..
It's so amazing how God's plan.. Remember last night,I shared about my experience in saying the closing prayer?..Vincent told me this morning that all of them are inspired (I was praying for them, didn't I?) and to tell u frankly, I was excited for 'proof' for his claim. Afterall, being my godfather, he's been really very encouraging. He shared what Father told him, after my prayer - "small step forward,great leap of faith". I tell you - it surprised me! Cos not even to you guys online, that I've disclosed my private conversation with God. Yet, these are the exact words which I've been putting to God as a 'challenge'. Coincident, you might say, but well..every thing happens for a reason. :) And what concluded my 'proof' is his sharing that the bond in this RCIA group is very strong. It really kinda 'put a full-stop' to my doubt. Cos that is another prayer I've been saying too, despite the 'huge' age gap. Ok, 2 conincidents happen at same time and I'm just too naive to connect them to God. Oh well, I can only pray that you'll experience God one day sooner.
That really made my day as I feel the cheer, joy and love in me. It's hard to explain..but it's like falling in love..yet I'm not in love with any person... It's strange, but everyone who saw/talked to me today feels 'something wrong' with me.. :P Not that I'm crazy or mad, just the joy I tried to share with them in a rainy gloomy morning (esp end of week is our stress period with "week-end closings")... never mind if you don't understand... just take it that I AM VERY VERY HAPPY!
To my surprise, I received a sms from B in the afternoon. Of course, I didn't realise it till end of work..And to my greater surprise, I naturally picked up the phone to return his call!!! Trust me, i've tried to stop my actions, tried to reason it out with myself.. It got through and he answered!! You really cannot imagine the joy+fear I had when I heard his voice! NO joke, it's really joy+fear! Yet, I don't know how, but we were able to make small chats for some minutes (just like the time he came over to explain- I just hear myself chatting with him.) It really blew my mind off that I was able to do that! No kidding!! I cannot say I've recovered cos depression is not just depressing mood which can recover so fast by one's will. I simply listened to myself talking to him..
I was so 'immobilised' within myself that when he wanted to end, I cant be more 'glad' to. I quickly put the phone down and totally in awe of what happened. Another freaking action due to depression? But if it's just a freaky act of rush, how could I survive the chat without breaking down?
I really cant say anymore to thank God, cos He is SO REAL!! I know it's freaking, you might say 'Janet is going spiritually insane'..But I cant help it! Please trust me - I'm keeping myself in check from turning into a religious person.. but I cant help experiencing these 'bizzare' things! OK, it's either God or I'm really turning crazy.. But if I'm crazy, can I still survive the day and even blog it down now?
I'm not trying to preach.. but can somebody gives me a good explaination what I am experiencing? OK, for the scientific people, I have to tell you I went through 2 'deaths'. First -when I saw myself lying on the operation table, due to severe internal bleeding (fyi - I was rushed into ops room immediately and stayed 1mth in hospital); Second - my whole mind 'died' when B left me.. ... Now, someone explain to me - what and why am I going through these?
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