Decided to start my blogging again. Partly cos i cant take the pressure of this battle anymore..partly i don't know who i can turn to.. who'll understand what is depression, esp the stigma is "mindset problem" when it's not. It's more than mindset, trust me!
I was on MC yesterday, tired from all struggle - mentally and physically. Did nothing, just read a book.. a good book i must say. "Ways to understand Depression" This book is so so true! True depression cannot be whisked off with will. We know what we should do, trying hard to do with all our strength.. even the simplest job now requires such tremendous effort..Sigh.. doubt u people understand the difference of depressed and depression. .. never mind, if you wan to read this book, i glad lend to you.
Coming back to my ytd - it was real relaxing..esp the whole family is staying at home.. I like this feeling of "home"... just a cup of tea n a good book, with my family around.. that is a great way to spend the day!
Despite of all the 'joy' i had, my heart was racing fast ytd... still miss B, but I just want him to be happy.. to love is to let go? i'm not that noble, but i just have to do it.. see - this is alredy a struggle itself. Will there be anyone who can fulfil my 5 requirements again? Even if there is, will i be able to accept?? NO... deep in my heart, i know I won't. It's not just fear, but also tiredness.. I had enough of this game..God, be my Guide- what happened I do not know, what's happening I do not understand, what's going to happen I dare not think.. I just hope I can stable myself, my thoughts, my mood... i have to..
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