28 Jan 08 - Last Risk Taken

After my cry and nap,I know I cannot be like this..I'll go crazy..God helps those who help themselves,especially after how He saw me through past days..I know I have to help myself..somehow..

I asked my mum how did I get over the previous time,though I didn't put in much effort and love unlike this relationship..My mum told me I recovered quickly..partly cos I got to know B..Everyone was concerned cos he is 4yrs younger than me,but somehow we managed to go through all the trials..but,this time..well my mum says bad thing happen to good people,maybe it's not the right time yet..

I don't know about right timing..I know if I tell u guys that I've enough and wont take any relationship anymore,you will say "J,u never know what God has planned.."..But trust me,I've closed this door long ago,even B knows I'm taking my very last hope in love with him..thought it was finally right when he gave me his word to commit but in the end..Love hurts..I still love B,wish him to be happy as I've always wanted him to be...I will always love him,no matter what happens..

Maybe this is just my cross..I have to carry this cross alone and proceed on this path..Not that I'll be a nun,I'm just tired of this relationship thing..4yrs ago,Guoqiang was very stern and warned me that I've to bear my consequences for taking this last risk..now I know what he meant..

I don't know how am I going to get through these,afterall I really gave my whole heart and soul into loving B,always trying to make things work no matter how hard it is..I dare say I've lived out my word-my bond to love him with all my heart,being very truthful and true to him in all things..even though some friends discouraged me from being so truthful in relationship..But I really want to be honest in love,in every aspects - my past,present and even future..
"Hebrews 4:13
Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."

I'll try to get over and move into singlehood..Just hope you guys will still keep me in prayers..call me,sms me..anything just contact me,afterall I'm also alone..