26 Jan 08 - Queen of Peace

I think I really have to thank my therapist for giving me this blogging idea. Whatever happens to me, I just want to share with you..though I don't know how many of you are reading or criticising me..

Today after my morning tuition,i was gripped by fear and all the questions again.All the promises he made and why things turned out like this now..I don't even know if he's ever coming back..I'm just so scare..When my dad came to fetch me to my bus-stop,I cried to him of my fear..Somehow,he managed to calm me down..

I had to attend a writing class this afternoon,for my new position,with a new colleague whom I do not know. During my bus journey,the voices and questions keep attacking me..I feel so alone and scared..I kept my ears busy by listening to God's promises and tried to fall asleep in the bus so I won't think.. It's really a battle inside and I tried to act normally outwardly..

I cannot concentrate in class,let alone smile. Though there's group discussion,but I just kept quiet as I really cannot think..I'm so scare to think.. I pray the Holy Rosary in my heart in hope for some peace,while my heart also yearns to leave the class as soon as possible..finally I cant stand it anymore..I have to confess out my fear..I talked to this new colleague..Well,when people are depressed,they really cannot control when and who to open to.they just have to open,and hopefully they open to good counsel..Though she's kind,but I know she don't really understand..

After the class,I rushed to Novena church..I just need to seek refuge in God,with all these struggle inside me,before i cry out in public..The miracle happens....when I stepped in Novena church,all those voices stopped..Somehow,peace really falls unto me when I stepped in church.I'm not resisting any thoughts anymore..I'm surprised..Being rational,I tried to recall those voices - questions and promises he made..but I just cant..I really cannot explain why I cant recall,so I just stay in this peace and pray this peace will stay with me always,even when I step out of church..

I thank God for all these little happenings,which so miraculous to me..Glory to God in the Highest and peace to His people on earth..Holy Mother of Peace..I really pray this peace will continue to reign in me at all times,especially when I wake up tomorrow..