now i know what's depression really about.. It's really not easy..After my prayer this morning,I was half-tank full of hope..but now..I cried again..
I really don't know what's behold the future..I'm really scare..I love B so much,even till now..How can anyone deny the love we had,and regard all that as tiring process? We could not have gone this far,if we just based our relationship on 'pity' and 'obligation'..There has to something more..the love..Where is this love now..I know i should not think this anymore..but I cant help it..
I hugged my dad this morning and he encouraged me to look forward..I know I should,I must..but it's not easy..really.."Let it be done to me,according to Thy Word"..what a simple sentence,yet it's so hard to do..
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2 comments:
you need to FORCE yourself to stop thinking if you want to help yourself to snap out of this crap. It is not easy but it can be done.
but if you dont want to force yourself to stop thinking, then may I offer my opinion that it is useless for you to pray to god? why? because if you don't want to help yourself, god also cannot help you.
but if you are keen, you can follow the below steps:
1. whenever your mind wanders to B, force yourself to switch to other thoughts or do other things or stop thinking altogether.
2. whenever your mind want to blog about B, stop it altogether and blog other things.
OR
you can continue to wander about B and blog about B and talk abt B until you get irritated with yourself and with god on why he still didnt make you forget B when its you who refuse to let the history of you and B die a natural death.
I don't know if Christianity teaches you about "constant", but Buddisim teaches me that "nothing in this world is constant. everything changes every second and that includes BGR, marriage, work, EVERYTHING."
you two have loved, and that was in the past. It is very ignorant to ask "where did that love go?" when we all know that the love you are refering to has died. My great-grandparents too had died, and it is very stupid to ask "where did my great-grandparents go?" No one will say they did not exist before, because they did but they don't now. It is the same as you and B - No one will say the love you two shared did not exist before, because it did and it doesnt now.
We didn't deny that dinosaurs existed before even when we do not have concrete proof but we know they dont exist now. tis the same, your B is like dinosaurs, gone with the time.
I have this feeling that its you who refuse to snap out of this depression because some part of you wanted to hang on to the tiny little hope that he will come back to you.
Let me tell you this, as long as you have this thought of hanging on and wait for him to come back, you will never snap out of it.
Your probabilities of hanging on are:
1. he never came back; you continue in depression.
2. he came back; you recover from depression.
Your probabilities of snapping out by forcing yourself to stop thinking are:
1. he never came back; you recover from depression.
2. he came back; you recover from depression.
You know the maths, go figure.
We aquarians are known to be logical creatures. I'm sure you know how to be logical even at times like this.
Thanks, Kim..I understand what u r getting at..I also would like to move on..read my next blog..
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